{m}34 Artist Spotlight: Liaa Melissa

A letter to my younger self

“one day i’ll reach the shore and know that there are things i have to live for.

i believe it.

do you believe me, too?”

-liaa melissa, the longest summer: epilogue (2017)

when you arrive on the other side of safety,

you might find that there is no moving on:

only, moving. the self-care books

will tell you you are not allowed this;

you must pour your grief out in one go,

like a waterfall. and then close the gates.

but one day it hits you: you can’t return to your past self

any more than you can purple the sky.

i used to think that if i fed everything i had left

to what was in front of me,

i could imagine i was always whole;

but because i could not name my loss

i could not learn to live with her.

so name your old self: their laughter, their anger,

their neverending joy. give them flowers

as you would a friend going away

for a long, long time. in spring the gardens

bloom lush with daffodils.

they will do this through the years, even

when the rest of the world says goodnight.

Liaa Melissa is a Bicolana poet and musician. Originally from Mandaluyong, Philippines, she lives in PG County, Maryland. She’s a Literary Associate for {m}34 and has been featured in {m}33: BABAE(X), The Bulosan Center for Filipino Studies at UC-Davis, and elsewhere. Liaa is a Cancer moon, and this placement always informs her writing <3